I had been toying with the idea for the last few months of 2011. They were emotionally tough months. Alcohol was a good friend. It stopped the thinking for a few hours and it was nice to have a rest. I think way too much you see and that is why sobriety = insanity. If I gave up forever, I would fall at a much earlier age than my female elders have before me. I don't want to be hiding my poo in fruit bowls at 50. I don't particularly want to at 80, but I accept that my genes are that way inclined.
One of my newest but dearest friends was brainwashed into thinking that she should give up the booze for 15 years! (Ok, she paid a hypnotist). And the last time I had a drink was with her at the Crisis Volunteers party on January 7th. On the way home I had a strange out of body experience where I could hear myself slurring! So that became the day to give up. April became the target end date. The reasons justifying my choice, were an afterthought.
It wasn't that hard. I knew I needed to live with myself for long enough to heal the scars left by the rascal that had shattered my heart. That meant doing the thinking and the processing 24/7. No rest for the battered. January is a tough month for everyone, so the pennies saved would be pretty useful too. And then there was the fact that I have not really challenged my willpower for a while. I wanted to do it just to prove I could. And I can do anything if I really want to.
So three and a half weeks in, how is it? It's dull. Do I feel healthier? Not one bit. Are people supportive? No, noone likes a sober friend when they want to get mangled without judgement or recollection. Will I make it to April? Absolutely. My birthday falls at Easter this year. My challenge is written in the stars.
“We all need something to help us unwind at the end of the day. You might have a glass of wine, or a joint, or a big delicious blob of heroin to silence your silly brainbox of its witterings but there has to be some form of punctuation, or life just seems utterly relentless.”
― Russell Brand, My Booky Wook